Hidan Potter!
by masruiiiik
Summary: side-story to 'Let's Fall In Love'. Hidan manages to drag Kakuzu to a Harry Potter convention. Needless to say, chaos insues when Hidan gets into a fight with fangirls, and Kakuzu realizes just how degrading it is, dressing up as Hermione.


**This is a side-story to 'Let's Fall in Love'. It happens before everything in 'Let's Fall in Love', so Pain is still together with Konan, Sasori hasn't met Deidara yet, and everything. :D  
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**This story isn't particularly amazing or anything. Truthfully, I only wrote this to try to get my 'creative juices' working again (it's not working), but anyways…I hope you guys enjoy this… X3**

Hidan Potter!

"Isn't this awesome?" Hidan asked, practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He was proudly wearing a pair of rounded glasses and was practically drowning in the black robe he was donned in. Kakuzu glanced wearily at the Sharpie-drawn lightning bolt scar on the albino's pale forehead, and heaved a great sigh. "Look at this place, it's fucking amazing!"

The Jashinist leaned over and nudged Kakuzu with his elbow, and Kakuzu was just too miserable with his curled hair and identical robe to really even muster up a glare. "Isn't this fucking awesome sauce, 'Hermione'?"

At that, the older man scowled and half-heartedly pushed the albino away. "Shut the hell up. You're lucky I even agreed to this, but call me Hermione one more time, and I _will_ rip out your innards, chop off your ass and use it to decorate my mantle place."

Hidan blinked and shot the brunette a smirk. "'You talking about my innards or my ass, bastard?"

Kakuzu's scowl deepened, and he made a pathetic swipe at the younger man with the wand he held in his large grip. "Both…" He growled out.

"Oi!" Hidan cried out, dodging the swipe and looking as horrified as if Kakuzu had just ripped off all his clothes and declared it 'Anti-Jashin Day!'. "You don't use your wand like that, bitch! You could fucking break it!"

A twitch was included alongside his now semi-permanent scowl, and his grip on his magical wand deepened considerably. "I _will_ break this if you don't shut up right now!"

The albino looked terrified, and immediately (and uncharacteristically) closed his mouth. Kakuzu sighed in relief and was about to say 'thank you' when he remembered who he was talking to. He stuffed the wand in his heavy robes quickly before meandering through the crowds with a deathly aura surrounding him. Hidan waddled after the taller man while continuously flashing him the middle finger.

-o-

"Man, I can't believe the things Kakuzu would do for a few bucks," Kisame said cheerfully. His eyes were crinkled in amusement and he took a large gulp of his root beer.

Pain rolled his eyes and fiddled with one of his lip piercings. "Paying him fifteen dollars each is not a 'few bucks'."

Sasori chuckled as he continued to skim through the television channels. Finding a good show, the redhead leaned back on the yellow beanbag he sat on and twirled the remote deftly between his nimble fingers. "Yeah, but it's worth it."

Kisame laughed merrily and Pain shrugged with a smirk playing on his lips. Even he couldn't deny that seeing Kakuzu with puffy, curly hair was worth fifteen dollars.

-o-

"Look at this!" Hidan yelled out in sheer delight, and Kakuzu sighed, feeling very much as if he was babysitting the albino, who was really only five years younger than him. "'Kuzu, look at this shit!" 

Kakuzu stopped and turned around to see Hidan holding up a stuffed snow white owl plushie. Its big, round eyes, in all honesty, freaked Kakuzu out a bit, but like hell if the brunette was going to tell the albino that.

"So?" Kakuzu irritably asked, and Hidan frowned, seeing that his friend didn't really seem to care about the gem he held in his hands.

"Isn't this cool?" Hidan demanded, practically stuffing the mess of white feathers into the brunette's face. Kakuzu pulled away and shot Hidan a disgruntled look, his nose wrinkling slightly.

"No, it isn't. Now put it down," Kakuzu said, and Hidan frowned deeply before sticking his tongue out, hugging the owl close to his chest.

"Hell no! I'm gonna buy it, and there's nothing you can fucking do, asshole!" Hidan cried out, his purple eyes dancing in merriment before turning to the pimple-ridden boy behind the booth.

"Hey! How much does this shit cost?" The albino demanded, and the boy blinked, hardly fazed by Hidan's foul language.

"That's forty-five dollars plus tax," the boy drawled out, and Hidan blinked before turning around and shooting the silently fuming Kakuzu a sheepish smirk.

"Hey…'Kuzu, can I borrow forty-five dollars plus tax?"

Kakuzu blinked before his mouth dropped open in aghast. "What? No! Pay for the stupid thing yourself, since you want it so bad!"

"Oh c'mon 'Kuzu!" Hidan pleaded in a completely non-genuine voice. "Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top? C'mon, 'Kuzu, don't be such a fucking ass!"

Kakuzu tried to stand strong and attempted to block out Hidan's incessant whining and begging.

Needless to say, he failed.

-o-

"I feel like we should watch Harry Potter today, just to get a good laugh." Sasori said, flipping through Pain's movie collection and stumbling into the first five Harry Potter movies in the auburn-haired man's movie cupboard.

"You are such a sadistic monster," Pain said offhandedly, diligently texting to someone on his cell phone. Sasori turned around and shot his best friend a teasing smirk.

"Are you texting Konan?" Sasori practically sang, and Pain blushed and fumbled around with his cell before accidentally dropping the sleek device onto the hardwood floor. In an instant, Sasori had streaked across the room, grabbed the device, and had rushed back to the opposite side of the room before Pain could even register what just happened.

When Pain finally realized what just happened, he perked up and shot Sasori a lethal glare. "Sasori! That's not funny, give me back my phone!"

The short redhead paid no attention to the pierced-man, and was shaking with suppressed laughter. "Konan-dear," the puppeteer read between breathless chuckles. "I love you so very much…I love you as much as Kakuzu loves money…heh…" He paused and shook tremendously, and Pain's face became as red as his friend's hair.

"Sasori…" Pain more or less whined. "Give me back my phone."

Sasori completely disregarded the dangerous undertone taking place in Pain's voice, and continued reading. "I love the way your blue hair runs through my fingertips…" A snort. "And I love how your hands are so long and slender…" A chuckle. "And you're just the most beautiful person I've ever met and I'm just so happy you love someone like me…and last night…I will always remember what we did in my queen-sized bed—"

Sasori keeled over, laughter shaking his whole form. His face was flushed and his eyes were screwed shut. "You…you sound like you're about to propose…to her!"

"Well…maybe I am!" Pain declared. Sasori straightened up, and looked his best friend right in the eye.

"Are you serious?" The redhead asked incredulously, the concept of loving someone enough to stay with them forever seemed so absolutely ridiculous to him.

"Well yeah," Pain mumbled, running a hand through his messy hair. "We've been together for four years…I think it's about time I proposed to her. I mean, I just love her so much and—"

"Hey, Kisame!" Sasori interrupted the pierced-man by walking towards the kitchen and crying out in the top of his lungs. Pain resisted the urge to facepalm himself. "Did you hear? Pain's planning on proposing to Konan!"

There was a clatter before Kisame's voice rang through the apartment complex rather loudly, "Dang!"

-o-

"_I'm the darkest dark wizard, in all of history. I'll slay your ass out like Cedric Diggory. With a wave of my finger, I'll put you on the floor, you's a punk-ass little kid without Dumbledore. I'm the best wizard rapper you ever will see; you're a puny witch midget with a dead mommy. I've got multiple souls and can raise the dead, if you think you can win, then you've been sorely mislead…_" Hidan sang loudly, raising his hands up into the air in triumph and he shook his butt in the air without shame. He danced around and grabbed onto one of Kakuzu's hands, tugging persistently. "Come on, 'Kuzu. Sing with me!"

Kakuzu scowled and ripped his hand from the albino's grip, and Hidan glared ugly daggers at his older companion. "Fine, suit your fucking self!" Hidan cried out before jumping back into the rap.

"_Oh, you's a big bald fairy, you think I'm scared of you? I smoked Basilisk, and I'll smoke you too. I got witches in class, I got witches in halls, if you look under my cloak you'll see my Hagrid-sized balls…_" People began to stop to watch the albino dance around. Some people began to sing loudly along with Hidan, and Kakuzu stood at the corner, repeatedly face-palming himself.

"_Say it don't spray it! Your breath smells like a grave, your teeth look like tombstones, and your nose is concave. Your head looks like a golf ball! Your face looks like a lizard! Here's the toll-free number for the hair club for wizards. The toughest gang around is the Gryffindor crew. Wizard drive by's is what we do. When Dementors try to ice me, I step right up and own 'em. I crack a butter beer and say Expecto Patronum!_" Hidan finished with flourish, and all the Potter-nerds around him cheered along with him. Hidan flashed a thumbs up to the crowd, smirking smugly at all the girls fawning over him. 

Kakuzu began throttling himself in the corner, weeping miserably inside as his permed hair continued to bother him with its itchiness.

-o-

"What the fuck?" Hidan cried out as he briefed over the fanfic section of the Harry Potter convention, his nose wrinkled up in disgust. "What the hell is this shit?"

One of the girls sitting behind the booth leaned over to read what the albino was currently reading. "Oh!" She squealed happily, and Kakuzu winced as the shrill noise reverberated through his brain, rattling his brain and completely destroying his brain cells. "You like Draco/Hermione too?"

Hidan resisted the urge to bash the girl's head in, and instead just sneered angrily at the girl. "No! I fucking hate Draco/Hermione! Who the hell even invented such a shitty pairing?" He huffed before puffing out his chest proudly. "Harry/Hermione all the way!" 

Kakuzu looked at Hidan's Harry costume and then looked down upon his own Hermione costume, and felt dread wash over himself.

"But…" the girl stumbled before recovering and glaring fiercely at the albino. "No way! I can totally tell that you're a Draco/Hermione fan! I mean, you're dressed up as Draco, and your friend is dressed up as Hermione. They're made for each other!"

Hidan growled. "What the fuck, bitch? Do I look like Draco to you? I'm Harry Potter you fucktard, get it right!" The girl flinched as spit decorated her nose and cheeks and Kakuzu facepalmed himself (he seemed to be doing that a lot) again. Some people began to stop to see what all the commotion was about, and several of the girl's friends stood up as well and as a mass, they all began glaring at Hidan.

"Draco/Hermione!" They yelled at the albino in unison. 

"Fucking retards!" Hidan spat out before grabbing Kakuzu's arm. "'Kuzu! Tell these bitches that Harry and Hermione are made for each other!"

Kakuzu, once again, felt dread wash over him.

-o- 

"Why would anyone want to get married anyways?" Sasori wondered as he bit into an apple. Pain shot his friend a dry look, still slightly sore from the jabs from before.

"People who love each other?" Kisame nodded in agreement as he chewed on a banana. Sasori rolled his eyes and threw away the core of his apple before asking rather offhandedly.

"Why are we eating healthy anyways?"

Pain stopped popping grapes in his mouth, and Kisame paused mid-chew on his banana, before placing the half-eaten fruit on the counter. The three looked at each other for a moment before all went to the cupboards.

"Do you guys wanna eat chips or ice cream?" Pain asked, and Sasori grinned mischievously.

"Why not both?"

Kisame laughed. "Nicely said, Little Red, nicely said."

-o-

"I can't believe we got fucking kicked out!" Hidan was still roaring, even after the two had left of the convention (aka. Got dragged out by security), waited for the subway, and boarded the subway.

Kakuzu growled. "It's your fault, so stop your damn bitching."

"Shut the fuck up, Kakuzu!" Hidan growled out. "Do you know how much I wanted to go to that fucking convention? And then we get kicked out because a bunch of bitches think Draco and Hermione make a good couple, those stupid, bitchy, cock-sucking, monkey-fucking—"

Kakuzu ran a weary hand down his face while Hidan continued to verbally abuse those fangirls under his breath. The snow white owl was held tightly in the albino's firm grip, and Kakuzu briefly entertained the thought of ripping the stuffed animal from the younger man's grasp and bashing it over his head.

Finally, after another five minutes of non-stop cursing, Kakuzu finally snapped, and in desperation, he signed over his fate. "Shut up! Fine! If you shut up right now, I'll go with you to the next stupid Potter-nerd convention, okay? So just shut the fuck up!" 

Hidan stopped and shot Kakuzu a triumphant smirk, and the brunette suddenly felt as though he had been hit over the head with a sludge hammer. "Are you serious?" Hidan asked, and before Kakuzu could deny any claims, Hidan answered his own question. "Of course you are! You're the fucking best, 'Kuzu. Seriously!"

And while Kakuzu continued standing there, feeling a huge headache coming upon him, Hidan continued cackling evilly to himself.

-o-

There was a pounding on Pain's door, and Kisame put down his half-finished bowl and super-triple-chocolate- fudge ice cream to go and answer the door. Sasori and Pain ignored the knocks, as the redhead was too busy taking jabs at his love-struck friend, and Pain was feeling too annoyed with the redhead to really care about much anything else.

Well, that was until Kisame began shrieking like a banshee.

"UNCLE! UNCLE! STOP IT, STOP IT, MAN! ARGH! MY UNBROKEN RIBS!"

There was a sudden silence, but a foreboding aura continued to dully echo throughout the whole place, and Sasori and Pain glanced at each other in light fear. There was a thump and a shuffle, and both vibrant-colored hair men tensed, but relaxed slightly when Kisame came crawling through the doorway.

"Eh heh…" Kisame said, touching his lightly bruising cheek. "Um…Kakuzu's not exactly happy with us…heh heh…" 

And before Sasori and Pain could even comprehend what their blue-tinted friend had just said, Kakuzu came bowling into the room, waving his wand around like a maniac.

"DIE!"

"ARGH!"

"NOOOOO! MY OTHER UNBROKEN RIBS!"

-o-

**This was so choppy and really, really bad…but I kinda really wanted to write it because, well, this idea has been brewing around in my mind for a while now. ;)  
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**And also cuz I'm kinda brainwurst right now, like I just can't do anything properly these days. I'm working on chapter 14 of 'Let's Fall In Love' but everytime I write it, it comes out all wrong, and also, a light writer's block has gotten hold of me (angst). So I was hoping writing this would get me back in the 'writing mode' a bit.**

**…yeah, I don't think it's really working. D:**

**But argh, school sucks. I mean, if I'm not drowning in my homework, I'm hibernating like a bear. T.T I'm always so exhausted…**

**Anyways, this isn't exactly my best (I know, I know…trust me, I know), but I still hope you got a light kick or a light smile out of this. :)**

**I'll try to update everything I have to update soon. :3**

**Hugs,**

**Harmony**


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